End of the day…..

When the day is done and night has come yet again I can relax…..a little. He is in bed sleeping soundly after the bed time routine of washing hands, brushing teeth, using the potty and reading a book and then a few selected poems. He loves the greats like Longfellow and Yeats and Whitman. Ruyard Kipling is one of his favorite’s as well. The poem Invictus hits home for me too.  He loves silly ones by Lewis Carroll too. Then the Lord’s prayer and all his night lights glowing and his lava lamp bubbles as the Led Zeppelin lullaby pings and twings him to sleep. Then I reside to the couch to let the day slip away as we watch some mindless TV and maybe chat a bit and I run through Facebook and Instagram. Always watching the monitor to see if he has fully fallen asleep or if he’s having trouble getting comfortable. If he isn’t comfortable soon after I know the PAIN is coming and he will stroll out doggie in hand and say “my butt” hurts. I wonder if I will ever have the ability to stop worrying. Will it ever go away??  I doubt it. I have over come some things in the last month that have been huge in moving forward in a healthy and accepting direction. I am almost a month and half sober and I am losing weight and feeling good about things. As good as I can. Its like the fear is gone. Not sure if I finally just buried it or that emotional band aid is finally sticking?  But none the less at the end of the day I can feel some content that wasn’t there awhile ago. I am able to let my imagination flourish with out abandon and feel genuinely decent about things and myself.  I am replenishing myself. Trying anyway. I have been depleted for so long now that it is time. Time to love myself again. Time to heal. And time to keep steering the ship and stay on course!!  Land Ho!!

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